Note: I should have published this a long time ago – at least a year by estimations. This also should have been fully written. But for some reason I didn’t do either of those things. Then I forgot this even existed. Then, when hastily summing up 2016, I chanced upon it and decided to put it up because it seems wasteful not to for when I’m an octogenarian sipping wistfully on a bouquet of my long gone youth. So here is a summation of 2015 in 2017. What a bobby dazzler:
Another year. Another 365 days gone by. Rising, falling, cresting, surfing through the weeks, cleaving through the months and then even Christmas is gone and 2015 tips it’s hat and settles comfortably into the annals of history, job done, now it’s time to rest and put your feet up.
It’s been a funny old time. The so-called International Year of Light (despite its scientific connotations) has been more a patchwork of darkness and blood than a glimmering beacon that other, subsequent annum’s should look up to. It’s always easy to focus on the negative aspects of a particular era, in fact, it’s fair to say that humanity shares a love for the grotesque – and this has been a vintage year on that front – but the events in Syria, Tunisia, Paris, Kenya to name but a few places have gone further and nastier than we could have expected. It makes you think, is the world not sick of war? Everything is a chain, a constant battering of injustice on both sides, but have we not had enough of it? Take away the business of war, the glamour of dying for your country, take away the lust for power and the egos that need to be fed with it and all you are left with is a lot of death, upheaval and more dry tinder for the fire. Humans. What a species.
On a personal note 2015 has been a steady one, and that’s no bad thing. When looking back at 2014 – in February no less, because procrastination was, and still is, my snuggle monster – I’d experienced a year of such extraordinary highs in comparison to 2013’s ocean deep lows that all I could really hope for was a negotiation between those two states. In terms of resolutions I stated that “I’ve made goals in regards to my career and have also decided to reinvent myself as a ‘nicer’ person in 2015.” Trying to be that nice person was at times my downfall, because what is a nice person if all you are doing is faking it? I hope that instead, I’ve grown up a little bit, matured and as such become a bit more empathetic to other peoples feelings and a little bit more considerate. Unless I don’t care for you. Trying to be a nice person for the sake of being a nice was ultimately a mistake and a step in the wrong direction. In comparing myself to an ideal that rarely exists I was being dishonest with everyone around me. About halfway through the year, I gave that all up and became a lot happier because of it. My flaws are horrendous at times, but they are also pretty great as well. Reading back through what is in essence my online diary, I realized this as the end of 2013 as well. So really, I’ve learned nothing.
Career wise, 2015 has been a pretty stellar time and I’m really happy and lucky to have been given so many opportunities in that space. The reality of being a freelancer, living and working on short contracts with no safety net or buffer tends to elict a need to take all the work you can when you are fortunate enough to have those situations there. Dry spells will happen, so stock up for winter. Especially in the more junior roles within the television industry, it’s so important to learn as much, and work with as many people as possible. But it got to December, and I’d barely had a day off, ricocheting from contract to contract with barely twelve hours between them. I can’t be ungrateful. I’m actually the opposite. But I think that taking a break every now and then is a good thing. Burnout has happened a few times this year and there’s no point in working if I’m not going to give it my best.
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I stopped writing my entry around here. It’s not actually too much of surprise that I was lazy because I was probably pretty drunk as well. That was another recurring theme of the year. At the start of 2015 I began writing a personal diary and was pretty good at keeping it up (it ended up clocking in at about 50,000 words, which is, lets be honest, very excessive and very millennial of me.) The majority of this magnum opus essentially boiled down to notches on the creaking bedpost and a lesson in cheeky hiccups from the nectar of the night before. My lesson in introspection basically meant that it was a bit of a struggle to sum up a year that I’d spent the entire time summing up anyway. There’s a lot of vagueness in this writing. I think by the time I got to December, I was so sick of writing about myself that I focused on anything but it. So now I’m writing about myself, writing about myself, writing about myself. How meta. How post modern. How gauche!
Either that, or there was probably something really good on television.
Song of the (Past) Year – Marina and the Diamonds – I’m a Ruin / Brandon Flowers – Lonely Town.